Belief

I want to first apologize for not blogging in over two months, and secondly, because it has been over two months since I last posted anything this blog will be packed full of two months worth of thoughts. If it becomes too difficult to follow, I am sorry.

Well, to save everyone the trouble, yes I am doing ok. I am caught between wanting to return back to school and to the friends I have made there, and wanting to stay here with family and friends, without the stress of school.
You know when you have two different friends that you know from different places who don't know each other, and you three try to hang out together... it is always awkward. You feel the need to be the mediator, hoping they like each other, while you are feeling pressured to give each of them equal attention. That is what I feel like right now, except that I am dealing with a little bit more than one friend, I am juggling two entire social networks, two lives (it feels like.)

Anyway, I was thinking back on everything I learned this semester, and a few things popped into my head.

They say that when you go to college what you believe will be challenged, sometimes beliefs will change, presumptions crumble, and what you thought to be true, redefined. For me it wasn't so much that everything I believed was destroyed, but I saw that I believed I didn't BELIEVE.

This may sound stupid, but I didn't truly BELIEVE what I believed. Mr. Sanford was My CLFM (Christian, Life, Faith, Ministries) professor. He was lecturing about convictional beliefs; those beliefs that we know and BELIEVE in our core. I realized that a lot of the things that I thought I believed, I truly didn't. I believe that the only true way to happiness is through God, but every time I catch myself trying to find fulfillment in other things, whether it be sports, music, art, friends, achievement, or image. I know it is not wrong to hang out with friends, play sports, or any of the others, but sometimes it gets to the point when that is what I look to primarily for fulfillment. I am still working on it. It doesn't happen overnight.

I have decided to continue this in another post. I am very tired. I don't want to wake up tomorrow and come back to this post and say, "what was I talking about." So I'm stopping before it becomes more confusing.

to be continued...