Body Image?

This post was much longer and more organized, but my computer was unplugged and It erased most of it.

This post was supposed to be done by last thursday, but I wasn't very motivated. I feel fake when I write something that I am forced to write. Most of the time, as you can see with my other posts, I tend to write better in the early morning. So here is that post, written mid-day, finally.

Wait before I start I would like to say that I am aware that the text size has changed throughout the posts. The site messed up or something, and made one post in three different font sizes, so now I keep them all small, because I don't want that to happen again. OK...

We are supposed to write about body image. I used to tell myself, "I don't care what other people think about me." I was lying to myself. Physically speaking, I wanted people to see me as a respectable person, not a beach bum. I try to dress reasonably clean (but I hate ironing clothes, who doesn't?).
I realize that this blog, as I understand it, is supposed to be about physical body image, like: "I feel fat, or I feel too skinny." I don't really struggle with those things, my struggles are more internal. I am more concerned if people see me as a good person, do people think I am who I present myself as.
A lot of the time I will catch myself saying things I don't really mean. An example would be (I don't do this anymore, but I used to in Jr, High and early High School)- If some one asked me If I have heard of a certain band, I would say yes, just to gain face with them. Now when someone asks me if I have ever heard of a band, and I actually have, I will be honest. I wonder if they think I am lying.
I don't really have a huge problem with being honest with others, I have more of a problem with being honest with myself. I like to ignore the problem, or recognize it and do nothing about it. By saying "I like to" I don't actually like to, I just tend to.
Did that make any sense? I feel like this entire post makes no sense. i have all of these ideas that I can explain in conversation but not written.
I am the kind of person who will put enough effort into something to produce a slightly above average result. If life was I test I would probably be getting a B. I will learn just the intros to songs on guitar, to show people that I can play guitar decently, I will only spend enough time on a paper to get an average grade, when I could do better, and I will clean the open floor in my room without moving or lifting anything up.
The thing that most bothers me with other people is their fakeness (is that a word?) and pride. I think they bother me the most because those are the things that I struggle with. You know when you get a new car or article of clothing, you start noticing more and more of them around. They may have been there the entire time, but once you got one, then you started being aware of them. Sam goes for me and my struggles. I see pride in myself, and it bothers me when I see it in other people. As far as fakeness goes...
I've noticed in the mainland (continental US) is that a lot of people are fake. In the whole Art Scene / Art World people are so concerned with presenting themselves as being "artsy". That bothers me. I know there are people who are genuinely artsy and think abstractly. I think like that, but I catch myself sometimes trying to make that my image, and I will exaggerate those qualities to make them bigger than they actually are. I want to be me. That is harder than it sounds.
I think caring what other people think is healthy in certain circumstances. It is kind of like that cliche quote that says something like "Always be evangelizing, and if necessary use words." If you are living out the Christian life, whatever that looks like, then others should see that. If others aren't seeing that, then you may want to look at your life. I don't mean they should be seeing you pray all the time or worshiping really loudly all the time, I mean that your character should reflect that of Jesus'.
Overall, I am a human trying to break this lukewarm lifestyle.

Something Is Stirring

This Blog entry was originally a letter to a friend, I have adapted it for the general audience.

Something crazy is going on in my heart. I hear God calling me to something, I don't know what it is yet. All I know is that he wants me to just follow him. It sounds weird but I'm at total peace about it. You know when God told Abraham just get up and go, and gave him no specific instructions. That is what I feel like. Woody, our campus pastor has been talking about dreams, not sleep dreams, but aspirations and goals. It hit me, that strong feeling and tugging on my heart that I was called to do something great. I walked into that chapel half asleep and came out alive.

I am breaking a grammar law by not transitioning, but I can't help it.

Every year in yearbook class at my high school the theme of the yearbook was almost prophetic. Progression, The Awakening, and Vision. God had a reason for those titles, God had us name them that. When Jessica and Matthew Stackowicz (Mentors and friends) left, the art piece they gave me says "Where you lead, I will follow." I have kept it on my desk, well now it is on my wall. It was my prayer for this year. I was thinking about the phrase just before chapel, and when I walked in they started playing this song.
--------------
Invitation Fountain by Michael J. Pritzl

All who are weak,
All who are weary
Come to the rock,
Come to the fountain
All who have sailed
On the rivers of heartache
Come to the sea,
Come on be set free
All who are weak
All who are weary
Come to the rock
come to the fountain
All who have climbed
On the mountains of heartache
Reach to the stars
Come on give Your life
Heal me
Heal me (repeat)
All who are weak
All who are weary
All who are tired
All who are thirsty
All who have failed
All who have broken
Come to the rock
Come to the fountain
If You lead me Lord I will follow
Where You lead me Lord I will go
Come and heal me Lord I will follow
Where You lead me Lord I will go
I will go I will go
--------------
I have no idea what God has for me this year, maybe I will be broken, healed, the starter of a quiet revolution on campus, but whatever it is, I am ready. I don't know what I am getting into, but I know it is what I have to do.

Well... that is what is going on in my life right now. I still am having my struggles, but I have found temporary rest and peace.

-Mitch-

Strengths

I will begin by stating my top 5 strengths according to www.strengthsquest.com
-Input
-Developer
-Belief
-Connectedness
-Ideation
You can read summaries of what each is on the website.
Here are very brief ones:
Input
People strong in the Input theme have a craving to know more. Often they like to collect and archive all kinds of information.
Developer
People strong in the Developer theme recognize and cultivate the potential in others. They spot the signs of each small improvement and derive satisfaction from these improvements.
Belief
People strong in the Belief theme have certain core values that are unchanging. Out of these values emerges a defined purpose for their life.
Connectedness
People strong in the Connectedness theme have faith in the links between all things. They believe there are few coincidences and that almost every event has a reason.
Ideation
People strong in the Ideation theme are fascinated by ideas. They are able to find connections between seemingly disparate phenomena.

The way the test works, for those who don't know what this test is; They give you two options and you have to either select whether you agree or strongly agree with one of the two. Please excuse my poor explanation, it is a pretty simple test. You have a 20 second time limit on each question so that you go with your first instinct.
Honestly, it is hard to be honest(Unintentional Irony). I have the desire to pick the one that best matches the "ideal" person or Christian and not the one that matches me. I actually ran out of time on a few of them because I was clicking back and forth between two answers. I wasn't sure if I actually believed the one I was choosing. I tried my best to be honest.
I have told people this before. My mind works in a way such that I can justify things that are unjustifiable.

Mitch's Mind: "Now that I have recognized the fact that I am dishonest with myself I don't have to change it."

The same applies to other things; even now that I recognize that I justify things, somewhere in my head I have this strange idea that that is enough. Recognizing that I have a problem doesn't solve it, but that is what my mind thinks sometimes. It is very frustrating.

Okay, coming back from another Mitch Tangent...
(As you read my blog and get to know me better, you will discover the Mitch Tangent)

As far as the strengths go, I agree with the strengths they recognized in me. If you read the longer descriptions of the different strengths on the website you will see some pretty accurate descriptions of me.

For example:
Input
You are inquisitive. You collect things. You might collect information-words, facts, books, and quotations-or you might collect tangible objects such as butterflies, baseball cards, porcelain dolls, or sepia photographs. Whatever you collect, you collect it because it interests you. And yours is the kind of mind that finds so many things interesting. The world is exciting precisely because of its infinite variety and complexity. If you read a great deal, it is not necessarily to refine your theories but, rather, to add more information to your archives. If you like to travel, it is because each new location offers novel artifacts and facts. These can be acquired and then stored away. Why are they worth storing? At the time of storing it is often hard to say exactly when or why you might need them, but who knows when they might become useful? With all those possible uses in mind, you really don't feel comfortable throwing anything away. So you keep acquiring and compiling and filing stuff away. It's interesting. It keeps your mind fresh. And perhaps one day some of it will prove valuable.

Crazy. That's me. My mom calls it being a "Pack Rat". When I read it at first I laughed out loud (Yes I typed out the whole thing "Laugh out loud" not "lol") because I had just bought over 45 old pictures at a paper collectibles store in San Diego. Please read the descriptions and comment whether you agree or disagree with them, thanks.
I need to go to bed...
Here are some of the photos I have collected.

Who Am I?

"Who Am I?," a phrase so easily spoken, yet so difficult to answer.
I am...
Tired, honest, a liar, a procrastinator, a son, a brother, a friend, a terrible speller, an artist, a musician, prideful, a good example, a bad example, a worship leader, hopeless, small, empowered, lukewarm, trying, struggling, empty, lost and found, a wretch, a child, alive, wise, foolish, a starving college student, forgiven, ignorant, easily distracted, critical, a hypocrite, a sinner...

I am human.

I wish I could be the first to admit that I am not perfect, but I honestly tend to wear a mask and not show my true feelings. When I was first told about this "assignment" I began to think of cool ways to answer this question. This was one of the ways. Honestly I wanted to show how cool of a guy I was, that I was a humble selfless Christian...ha. Don't get me wrong, I am striving for humility, and greatly respect those who are humble. As I started to write this entry I thought about changing it and taking a different approach. I realized this needed to be written, I am all of those things listed above; most of which I am not very proud of. Sometimes I get so tired of the act that this world is all a part of. It seems so fake. I remember sitting at starbucks a few years back, people watching (I also like to observe people, In a non-weird way). The fake laughs and the empty words coming from the table just outside the door. They say that the things you see in other people that annoy you are probably the things that annoy you about yourself (does that make sense?). I realized that I was a pretty fake person, not necessarily on purpose either, it crept into my life slowly. So I now admit and state the obvious, well more so recognize, that I am a work in progress.
Do you ever look back in life and remember when you were younger, and you thought you were king (or queen) of the world. You knew everything there was to know. I look back at those times and see that I had no idea. So now I have become comfortable and satisfied with knowing that I don't know everything, and that God knows best. It is such a simple statement, but even now after I recognize it, it is hard to digest or fully understand. I want to be a real person. I want to be known for things more than "that guy with the hair", "that funny kid", "the guy who plays guitar", "that guy from Hawaii". I want to be known for... no I don't want to be known for anything, I want my God to be known- through anything and everything I do.

THE BEGINNING.